i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
