4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
