Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
