Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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