I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
