Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my shit smells like andre
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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