Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
