Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize