left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
