He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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