I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize