we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
