I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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