I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
