this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
