I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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