Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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