He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
