whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
