i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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