Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
