So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
