dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just found puke in my bra..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
