no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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