This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
time to smoke my breakfast
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
