today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
