never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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