talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
