Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
