i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
