I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
