Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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