Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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