closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
