Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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