That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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