you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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