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My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
