I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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