Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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