I can tuck mytits in my pants
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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