I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize