The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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