Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
