I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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