and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
