how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
