I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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