I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
