She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
