I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
