When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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