How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
