god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
a search helicopter?!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
