he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
