only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
