Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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