Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
