The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want her autograph on my taint
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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