my sisters under your porch take her home
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
