When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
