I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
