Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
