Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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