I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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