I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize