two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
