It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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