I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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