Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
