i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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