One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
