The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
