I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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