Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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