Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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