we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
